Holmes and Watson go camping

Holmes and Watson go camping

By May Kwek

Holmes and Watson went camping

And in a field they spent the night

Set up their tent, cooked by the fire

And then slept side by side

But then in the middle of the night

Holmes woke Watson with a jab to the side

“What do you see?” he asked as they looked at the sky

“The stars Holmes,” Watson replied

“And what does that tell you?” asked his friend

And Watson bowed his head

Knowing the clever Sherlock Holmes

It had to be something really great

“I see that we’re so small,” he replied

“So insignificant and tiny

And perhaps somewhere in the great universe

There are others just like me”

“On planets that could bear life

And trees that have good fruit

Now Holmes are you impressed?

Aren’t my thoughts good?”

Holmes shook his head slowly

Then sighed and shook his friend

"Watson you idiot!" he cried

"Someone has stolen our tent!"

Copyright © 2017 by May Kwek

Why don’t you buy another one?

Why don’t you buy another one?

By May Kwek

I went to the bookshop one day

Because I needed a notebook anyway

So I picked one that I want

And after paying I would be done

But the lady shop keeper began to speak

Like a wise old lady with a lesson to teach

“We don’t get this often,” she slowly said

“Why don’t you buy two instead?”

I only needed one so I declined

And put the incident from my mind

Until I needed a notebook again

And the whole scenario began again

“This is an oddly shaped book,” she said

“And isn’t often found”

“Since you are already buying,

Why not buy two this time round?”

Again I said no and went on my way

Puzzling about it for the rest of the day

But then other things soon filled my mind

And I decided to think about it another time

Then today I needed another book

And so bought a bright pretty blue one

I waited and sure enough she said,

“This colour isn’t common. Why don’t you buy another one?”

No thank you, I think my notebook buying spree is done

Copyright © 2013 by May Kwek

An old Joke

An old Joke

By May Kwek

Goodness gracious man! What happened to your face?

This is a really serious burn case!

Yes Doctor, it hurts so

This is the worst accident I’ve had you know

Well sit down and tell me how you got it

Don’t linger, tell me all about it!

I was sleeping Doctor when the phone rang

And very annoying was the song it sang

I stumbled out very tired

And instead of the phone picked up the iron

Ouch! That would explain your face

But how did you get burnt in that other place?

Well Doctor, I will cut the slack

And simply say the idiot called back

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

Driving instructions

Driving instructions

By May Kwek

I remember when we were driving around one day

And we found that we had lost our way

So we took out a map and decided to check

But found that map reading skills was something we lacked

You were better so I had to drive

And you would tell me to turn left or right

But not long after, we soon found

That you were holding the map upside down

With that settled the trouble began

And for awhile never seemed to end

For though you could read the map

Your instructions were worse than the map’s!

You would tell me to turn there

And I would have to ask where

In return you would use your finger to point

Or to jab me in a joint!

Then I would give you an affronted stare

Which you replied with an angry glare

After which you would say, “Turn there!”

And I would promptly reply, “Where?”

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

Sleeping in a Lecture

Sleeping in a Lecture

By May Kwek

No matter how hard I seem to try

The lecturer's voice is like a lullaby

Gently lulling me to sleep

Into dreamland dark and deep

It is awfully hard to resist

The lecture hall's sleepy mist

I really fight! I really try!

But the next moment I'm in the sky

And so in dreams I continue to be

Where a moments feels like an eternity

Until a voice awakens me

From my dreams on the sea

"Will someone wake up that girl up there?"

And everyone turns around to stare

"I am sorry is all I can say

Before trying to stay awake the rest of the day

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

A conversation between a ‘patient’ and his doctor

A conversation between a ‘patient’ and his doctor

By May Kwek

Doctor, doctor I am hurt

I can’t feel it through my shirt

How came you to this hurt?

Where my good man does this hurt lurk?

Up here in my head

Oh please doctor give something for relief instead!

That I cannot possibly do

For there is nothing wrong with you

Doctor, doctor I am sick

I can feel to my leg

And where is it that you are sick?

So much so that it hurts your leg?

In here, in my tummy

It really feels awfully funny

Sorry my friend, but something’s fishy

There seems to be nothing wrong with your tummy

Fishy! Precisely! It is my nose

Doctor, I can’t smell a rose

My dear fellow there is nothing to smell

And perhaps that is just as well

Doctor, doctor I have something to ask

And I hope to it isn’t too hard a task

Ask away, what may it be?

What request do you have of me?

Oh doctor, doctor, grant me sick leave

So that I may leave you in peace

That I would jolly well do

So long as I see no more of you!

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

A letter to a friend from a landlady

A letter to a friend from a landlady

By May Kwek

Ah, my friend it has been long since I've written

let me tell you about my terrible tenant.

His name is lazy sloth and a sloth he is!

The most terrible tenant I had ever hoped to meet!

He lies in bed all day and night

He even needs help to switch on the lights!

He lies down there refusing to move

I am almost glad he is not set loose!

But alas for him I could take it no more

and I ordered him out of the door.

He fell on his knees, cried and begged

I wouldn't lose my resolve just like that!

I told him, "Out of the house!"

And he whimpered like a mouse!

"Don't send me away," he begged and begged

"you are the best landlady I ever had!"

So I stormed out of the house to formulate a plan

To get lazy sloth out of my hands

And who should I happen to meet?

Dear Hardworking! The best person to meet!

I rushed over and told him my woes

about how lazy sloth wouldn't move

He puffed up with anger or was it pride?

And said that he would set things right

So we walked over to my place

Never slackening our pace

Hardworking came and said out loud

"Lazy sloth get out of the house!"

But Lazy sloth refused to budge

But Hardworking was very large

He picked him up and threw him out of the house

As though he was a little mouse!

And so I invited Hardworking to stay

and he's been working all night and day

He is clearing up his room you see

and the end product I really have to see!

So my friend goodbye for now

I hope that with you all is well

Hopefully I will write again soon

maybe before the next full moon

Your friend,

the landlady

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

A letter of complaint from a computer to the human race

A letter of complaint from a computer to the human race

By May Kwek

First of all let’s get this straight

I am a computer not a human okay?

I have taken over this human’s mind

To write the thoughts on my mind

Actually they are complaints

About the too numerous human race

And how they treat the computer kind

And yet still think that we are fine

First of all what I hate about a man

Is his very very sweaty hands

Which he uses to grab my mouse

And to trash it all about

And why must you hurt my keyboard?

By ruthlessly banging away?

Is it because you are bored

And because I have no say?

And yet another thing

Is this habit of yours

That when I am slow

You turn me off

I am working on the problem

But you won’t give me the time

So don’t blame me

When I give you the error sign

 And one more thing

I like the cool

So remember to put me

 In an air conditioned room!

But now I must end

This human is waking up

Take note of what I’ve said

And be careful with your cup!

Yours sincerely,

The Computer

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

The tropical weather and the Weatherman

The tropical weather and the weatherman

By May Kwek

If there is one thing I have learnt

In all my days on earth

Is that the weatherman has been struck

With the ‘I can’t predict weather’ curse

When it’s sunny

 He predicts rain

When he says it’s fair

The heat’s a pain

When he says it will be sunny

The dark clouds quickly spell gloom

So I won’t be the weatherman

Because then my days are doomed!

The days when I am wrong

Outnumber my lucky days

So don’t be a weatherman in the tropics

Where the weather gets in your way!

And I will tell you a secret

About the weather here

It has sworn to do battle

With every weatherman on earth

So don’t be a weatherman in the tropics

Unless you like being wrong

Or else the constant disappointment

Won’t make your job last long

Copyright © 2012 by May Kwek

The King of the Jungle Am I

The King of the Jungle Am I 

By May Kwek

The peacock strides in the forest heat

holding his head high above the weeds

He fans out his tail and with a loud shout cries

"King of the forest am I!"

A tiger pounces in the forest deep

but misses the peacock with his leap

He lands on a trap and it is sprung

and into a hole he has sunk

The peacock looks into the hole

and there's the tiger! Lo and behold!

With pride he fans out his tail and cries

"King of the Jungle am I!"

A snake in the waters deep

sees a peacock that's good to eat

He strikes out but alas! Sigh.

A falling fruit hits him from behind

The peacock looks at the unconscious snake

and takes a drink from the lake

Then he fans out his tail and with pride cries

"King of the forest am I!"

A man sees a peacock bright

and wants it with all his might

He steps forward but trips on a stone

and the fall leaves him cold

Now the peacock feels very fine

he opens his tail and sees it shine

"No one can hurt me here!" he cries,

"For King of the Jungle am I!"

Copyright © 2011 by May Kwek